Perfect
by TheMisunderstoodChild
Summary: Paul thinks about his father and his home life. Mentions of abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, and Ikarishipping. One-shot songfic!


_Just a cute one shot about Paul and his relationship with his abusive/alcoholic/smoking father. Enjoy! _

_I don't own Paul, or Perfect by Simple Plan, or really anything else._

* * *

I sighed and opened up the door to the small apartment I shared with my dad. I wish I could have stayed at school, but I knew I'd get beat if I didn't come home and do my chores. After my mom left, my dad became an alcoholic, started smoking, and became sort of a psychopath. At the age of twelve, five years after my mom left, my dad started to beat me. I let it go for the first two years, but when I was fourteen I started to fight back. I can win some fights, but I end up losing the majority of the time. I've tried to sort this shit out, but he won't listen.

"Paul! Get in here and shut the damn door!"

_Hey dad look at me  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I want to do?  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

"Coming" I said, not very enthusiastically.

"Ech, sick emo boy. Do your chores… And get a haircut while you're at it." He mumbled.

'I'm not emo.' I thought. I don't think he likes who I've grown up to be. I don't want to be this cold, but the thing is no one understands me!

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't pretend that  
I'm alright  
And you can't change me_

I slowly swept the floor, thinking about how he's tried to send me to military school when I was thirteen. He had claimed that I was the reason mom left, he hated who I was and I wasn't 'good enough' for him. I just brushed it off by saying that if he sent me to military school, he'd be stuck with the bill. Well, that wasn't my best option, because I ended up getting slapped twice.

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

He thinks I can just be a perfect being. I get sick of it, and I don't know what to do. I remember when I was six; I was at school and the teacher asked us who our favorite hero was. I immediately raised my hand and said my dad. I had no idea that in the next year that would all change.

_I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore_

I sighed and rain upstairs to my room. I undid the buttons on my school required uniform tops and stared at my midriff. All the scars, all the blood and tears I went through for that man… Damn! I just want him to love me….

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright_

Sitting down, I ran my finger up on particularly interesting scar. It started at the bottom of my belly button and ran up to the top of my rib cage. We were fighting over… Mom. He was telling me it was my fault she left. And I know I shouldn't have, but after a while, I started believing him. My whole junior high was spent in misery thinking I chased the only woman my father loved away. I apologized to myself a million times, practicing to tell him. I never could, though.

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

I remember when I got my first girlfriend, Dawn Berlitz. I really liked her, but dad didn't. He called her nasty names like 'whore' and 'slut' and all that crap. He drove her away, and ruined my eighth grade year even more than it already was. _  
_

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand_

I wish I could tell him how I feel; I wish I could be the one to talk for once. I wish I could show him that I'm not a fail, even though I'm not perfect. I wish he could know how I feel…_  
_

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Oh, father…. I understand what happened to you and mom, but why do you have to take it out on me? Why… Why!?_  
_

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect _

Dad….

"I love you" I say aloud.

* * *

Awh, this was depressing, I know. Sorry 'bout the Paul abuse! Mind dropping a review? Thankies!


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